October 22   Loving Your Abuser

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Recognizing you are being abused is difficult when you love the person who is abusing you. This is true for both children and adults. The mind will go to great lengths to protect a person who cannot emotionally accept that they are being abused. The greater the abuse, the more elaborate the strategy the brain employs.

In the case of children, there is nothing to compare the behavior to – how do you know it is abuse? Maybe this is common or maybe I deserve it? It is far easier to blame oneself for what is happening than to believe that the person who is supposed to be taking care of you is hurting you – that the person you love may be evil. It is far easier to believe that if only you had behaved differently, the result would have been different, rather than the realization that you are a victim of a great injustice outside of your control, and it may never end. And it is even more complicated than that.

What if the abuse is subtle and infrequent and your abuser otherwise takes good care of you and seems to love you? What if later, even as an adult, you are not sure that it was actually abuse but something more ambiguous? And what if, not only the abuser, but also other family members, tell you that you are crazy – you just imagined these things? Now you are taking on everyone you love. Can you be sure? Can you emotionally handle losing your whole family? These are the obstacles and the questions that many childhood victims of abuse have to confront.

When a client is emotionally resisting or cannot clearly remember what happened as a child, we sit in that space of “not knowing”. How does not knowing affect your life? Usually, if you cannot be sure of what happened in the past – or if you’re not even sure that anything at all happened – then that uncertainty infects other areas of your life in the present, oftentimes resulting in your distrusting your instincts in all matters. How can I be sure of anything if I can’t even be sure of something that traumatic – that fundamental a betrayal?

Adults in abusive relationships find meaning in the reasons why they stay. And only when they can no longer fool themselves or they find other resources, do they leave. When an abused adult is asked “how could you or how can you love your abuser, he/she can rationalize their feelings. Children never have a choice. So adults abused as children may be able to intellectually rationalize the past, but that doesn’t stop the guilt and shame they experience for having been part of the abusive relationship. And if it was a parent they still love, they are further burdened with the self-denigration of continuing in a relationship with their abuser and caring about them now.

Many people are under the impression that in order to heal the past you must confront your abuser. I have found that while many times that works, sometimes it makes no difference at all – or worse yet, can further complicate the healing process. And the difference isn’t simply whether or not you want to continue having a relationship with that person. It’s true that if you don’t presently care – and I don’t mean hate, which is a feeling – but actually don’t care about your abuser, it will probably feel cleansing. But cleansing is different than closure. That can only be realized once you forgive yourself and are no longer psychologically held back by the past. If you do still care about this person, if you still want to have this person in your life, then it really depends on what you are hoping for by confronting them. The ideal scenario is that your abuser (and whoever else covertly aided them by looking the other way) recognizes and acknowledges how they have hurt you. The more likely scenario is denial or minimization on their part and therefore more frustration, self-doubt and self-loathing for you. It is not the abuser(s) who needs to be forgiven; it is the abused – and only by themselves.

When the abuse has taken place within the nuclear family, some clients have asked me – “Do I have to walk away from my family in order to heal? Because I can’t walk away from my family, I love them.” The answer lies in the question. The burden is yours to carry. If you still love them then you have accepted their limitations. If you still love the actual abuser, then you may understand something about them that we don’t. And if they are not continuing to hurt you, then the choice is yours to make.

Roni Weisberg-Ross LMFT
<a target=”_new” rel=”nofollow” href=”http//:www.roniweisbergross.com”

About the Author

West Los Angeles based psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of sexual abuse, emotional abuse, clinical depression and social anxiety.

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It is not uncommon to find people across the world from all walks of life with social anxiety problems. A lot of them are unaware of their problem and don’t get social anxiety treatments, and they must hid their affliction. a lot of them have had the problem for so long that it has just become an accepted part of their life. Social anxiety can wreak untold pain and suffering on a person’s life by lowering their confidence and isolating them from others.

People’s social anxieties can vary in how strong and how intense they may be. Some may just be a tad quiet and keep to themselves more than others, while others may have a complete breakdown when asked to give a presentation or an important speech. Most of these problems come from an individual feeling as if they are being judged, ciricized, or that something is expected of them.

When a panic attack it can often fell like the person is completely out of control of their life and that they could even be on the verge of having a heart attack. It is common for people with anxiety to feel their heart beat quicken, shallow quick breaths, feeling disoriented, and perspiration. This usually triggers a panic attack, which is the result of a person’s fight or flight response being triggered and running amok.

There are lot of social anxiety treatments commonly used to treat people and help them alieviate their anxiety. Many rely on medication to treat anxiety, while other people have pushed themselves outside their comfort zone to improve their anxiety. Therapy and counciling have also been used to help others overcome their anxiety.

You can start to improve your situation by taking on any of the above treatment methods or find programs and support groups near you. But above all try to separate what you do from others’ judgments of you.

About the Author

Andrew Hunter recovered from panic attacks and now enjoys sharing advice with others on the subject of panic and anxiety disorders

Shyness and Social Anxiety

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The pace of life in nearly all Western societies can at times feel insanely fast with no help in sight. We are all very busy with work and family, then there is the typical stress of incidents in the world and our own nations. There is nothing unusual to think that our current times are far too overpowering for a lot of people. So it really is not out of the ordinary that many people are experiencing panic attacks more regularly. Even in simple societies there are stress levels associated with the normal functions of living. The peculiar aspect of panic attacks is they can show themselves in many different kinds, and it is possible that some people have actual ones and do not recognize it.

There is a definite link between your mind and your entire body in the case of a panic attack. The vital understanding comes with recognizing that the way your body responds to stress is interpreted in a special way by your brain. There is essentially a cycle that commences, and your mind will produce more anxiety indicators in your body. Maybe one of the most regular symptoms of a panic attack is elevated breathing rate. In addition, another fairly standard symptom entails becoming very hot or even cold, and that can be localized to particular parts of the body. To make things more serious, there is an element of actual fear because the person’s thought process does not understand what is developing. It is a situation that can swiftly get out of control when instinctual reactions occur – the flight or fright response.

If it is possible for the person to have awareness of the process, then consciously understanding what the body is doing can help. What really needs to happen next is to employ relaxation approaches to help your body. You can have a seat if possible, then focus on your breath with long, peaceful breaths. You need to breath slowly and never force the pressure. Whenever you inhale, do not hold the breath and avoid exerting a lot of pressure on your lungs. Simply be sure you do not cause any force with your breathing. This basic and well known strategy will go far to help minimize the overall panic feeling and will calm down your body.

Utilize visualization as you breath to generate soothing and relaxing images in your mind. If possible, close your eyes when you visualize, but do be careful that if you feel light-headed or dizzy, consequently closing your eyes may not be advised. Sitting calm for a few minutes while deeply breathing and visualizing something very relaxing will help. Visualization can be very powerful, and thus be sure to put it to use if you think about it. In addition, while you are breathing in, then softly instruct your body to relax and feel soothed. Keep it all very basic, and tell yourself to do this with merely one word – two at the most.

The specific numbers are not recognized, but panic attacks take place in many millions of people in many nations. Certainly, it is estimated that many people just exist with it and never realize that something can be done. It is merely a result of our very fast-paced way of life.

About the Author

Vanesa’s websites: Versace Glasses, Vogue Glasses, Ceramic Kiln and Ceramic Vase.

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1. Take the focus off food. Compulsive eating disorder is all about the obsession with food and weight. The first step is to eliminate the obsession, which means ending the obsession with diets, weight loss and restrictive eating plans.

2. You will always be taken care of, there is enough food. Eating compulsively can sometimes be triggered by a fear that

3. Don’t read online diets or food journals

4. Visualize your ideal recovery

5. Journal each day about what is really going on

6. Take time to do a daily meditation to calm yourself

7. Spend time with people

8. Eat out with people

9. Try to be around people who have a healthy relationship with food and their weight

10. Learn to recognize disordered eating thoughts. Don’t identify with them. It is the disorder, it is not you

11. Learn to pick up the phone and reach out to people

12. Don’t isolate – this is where the compulsive eating thoughts grow and are difficult to challenge on your own. Reach out and ask for help when you need it

13. Read pro recovery books that are not diet or food related

14. Remove clutter from your home and life

15. Do one kind and self loving thing for yourself each day

16. Treat yourself like a child when it comes to meal times. Find out what you are truly hungry for, just like you would with a child

17. Avoid people that have disordered eating thoughts and attitudes. Notice what triggers you.

18. Don’t over exercise – this can trigger the compulsive eating disorder thoughts and throw your body into deprivation mode

19. Stick with positive people who encourage and inspire you

20. Embrace the challenge – view it as a challenge that you can and WILL get through and one that will make you a stronger person

21. Remember that easy does it. Take your time and be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for not doing everything perfectly. It is a process and as long as you stay in the solution you will end the compulsive eating disorder

22. Do things that you genuinely enjoy! Let the obsession with compulsive eating go, even for a short period and immerse yourself in something that you truly love and inspires your soul

About the Author

<strong>Complete recovery is possible! Find out how to get started and achieve full freedom and recovery that is permanent and you will never need to live with the obsession again.</strong>

Read about a woman who achieved full recovery from all eating disorders and offers eating disorder help through her web site.

Find out more about how to End Compulsive Eating from someone who has achieved complete eating disorder recovery. You can also sign up for an ebook about the Recover From Eating Disorders strategy that works for permanent recovery and freedom!

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Sleep troubles are presently becoming an overwhelming truth for too many people. These problems can actually cause a lot more than just tiredness though.

When sleep becomes a problem for most nights of the week, this can truly begin to affect that person’s health and mental well-being.

Sleep plays a major role in keeping a person’s immune system strong, and also keeps a person’s brain functioning properly. When people are suffering from lack of sleep, for whatever reason, it can begin to affect their daily activities such as work and personal life.

How to get better sleep will be the big question for anyone suffering though.

There can be various reasons for why an individual is having trouble sleeping. In some cases it can be social issues such as stress from relationships, work, or children. Other times it can be environmental such as factors in your home that are keeping you awake.

This could even be caused by a spouse who snores or gets up often in the middle of the night. When the problem is stemming from a medical difficulty, though, you may need an experienced specialist to step in and help you get the sleep you need.

If you would like that to be your last option, then there are plenty of good tips on how to get better sleep that you can experiment with.

You will have to consider a few things in your situation in order to get better sleep at night.

To begin with, you must think about cutting out any caffeine you are consuming late in the day. This doesn’t just have to be in the form of coffee or soda either, and can be coming from chocolate as well.

Alcohol and a number of foods may be the cause of your sleep problems as well. Alcohol can make you fall asleep, but can then cause a more restless sleep.

Certain foods can be sleep aids, but you should never have too heavy of a meal before bed when looking for how to get better sleep.

If you look into your environment you sleep in, you may uncover some things preventing you from sleeping well. You must have a relaxing area that creates calmness for you to relax before sleep each night.

Choosing to exercise right before bed is not going to help you sleep better either. Your energy level will typically get raised from doing so which in turn will cause you to be awake longer.

These are just a few tips that can be helpful for getting more sleep at night. While there aren’t any strict instructions that will work for everyone, it is at least a good place to begin when looking for how to get better sleep.

Want to wake up vigilant and ready to start the day? Want to overcome trouble waking up? There is an astonishing device that will help you wake up refreshed every morning. The device was voted one of TIME Magazine’s Most Amazing Inventions 2005. It was featured on Dr. Phil Show, HGTV, Good Morning America, and BCTV. It helped thousands of people across the world wake up feeling more invigorated.

About the Author

Click here to discover the best way to wake up easier.

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Everybody experiences sadness from time to time, and the same can be said for depression. The need for mental health help and treatment for depressionarises when it becomes something altogether different than sadness, and much more all-encompassing. How then to know if you are merely sad, temporarily depressed, or in the throes of a mindset that requires depression therapy? Let’s compare the issues side by side and see what we can learn.

Life comes with stress, and we all experience it from time to time. Our everyday lives are stressful, and occasionally specific situations come up that add to that stress level. A disappointment at work, trouble in a relationship, or a family illness are all examples of situations that can add stress to our lives. In such situations it is normal to feel down or even sad. Normally this feeling passes after a few days, or as soon as the issue at hand is resolved.

If you are experiencing this type of normal sadness or stress there is nothing to worry about. Clinical depression, however, is something entirely different.

Clinical depression involves a change in your ability to function for a period of two weeks or longer. Consider the following symptoms:

* Significant change in appetite resulting in weight loss or gain
* Recurring disturbances in sleep patterns
* Increase agitation or inability to relax for an extended period of time
* Fatigue, lethargy or loss of energy for an extended period of time
* Sadness, despondency, despair, loneliness, or feeling of worthlessness
* Inability to concentrate, focus or make decisions
* Thoughts of death or suicide
* Plans for suicide or an attempt at suicide

Now imagine them playing out over a period of weeks, months or even years. Over time these symptoms decrease your ability to function on a day-to-day basis. Worse yet, because you’ve lived with these issues over an extended period of time you may not even recognize that what you are experiencing is abnormal.

If you’re experiencing depression but are afraid to reach out for whatever reason, we strongly encourage you to walk through that fear and seek the help you need. Sadness is OK and will pass, but depression can literally steal all of your hope regarding the present and the future.

Depression cannot be overcome by waiting it out or wishing it away, but it can be overcome. A Place of Hope reminds you that it is possible to embrace the joy in life again.

About the Author

Depression Help

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Chances are you are reading this report because you have a person in your life that you struggle getting along with that you warmly call your boss.

You’re tired. You’re discouraged. You’re dejected. You’re unmotivated. You may feel that your boss is intimidating, meddling, scheming or hard to please. If you’ve got a really bad boss s/he may take credit for your work, never give you any positive feedback and disrespect your time by not showing up for meetings with you or dumping a job in your lap at the end of the day that needs to be done right now.

Love him or hate him, he’s your boss. And, while in theory its his or her job to manage you, for you to survive on the job and get the raises and promotions you want you have to learn how to manage your boss.

To get along with your boss you will get inside you’re his/her head and respond to his/her personality traits, Basically you need to work on your emotional intelligence skills.

The first part of being able to get into someone else’s head is to be able to understand what’s going on in your head. How do you feel about authority figures? How do you feel when somebody who knows less about your job than you is telling you what to do? What are your hot buttons? How open are you really are to start to see and deal with your boss in a different way?

Without getting into a lot of psychobabble many of us unconsciously end up seeing our bosses as parents.
Do you see any similarities in the way you react to your boss as you did to your parents?
Understanding your emotional strengths and weakness is the most important part of learning to manage your boss. I am going to provide you with some very simple and direct strategies to deal with your boss, but unless you are able to control your own feelings you are not going to be able to use the tips I give you very effectively.

So be sure to take the time to understand yourself as much as you can. You might even want to think about taking an anger management class because it will focus on helping you understand your triggers and show you ways to manage them in ways that will keep you calm and focused.

How the World Looks Through Your Bosses Eyes

In your eyes your boss may look all powerful (or extremely weak) but, unless your boss owns the company s/he probably spends most of his or her time feeling stuck in the middle. Your boss has a boss to answer to and oftentimes doesn’t have as much power as you may think. If your boss owns the company, s/he has many bosses – the customers – who need to be kept happy or the business goes under. So, rule number one is to remember that your boss really isn’t the boss.

Rule number two is that your boss is only as good as you are. You are as much the key to his/her success as they are to yours. Different people react to this in different ways. Some become very dictatorial and bark out orders, some become overly perfectionist – nothing is ever good enough, others become very passive and provide very little guidance, some are up and down and then there is the occasional boss who is actually a leader that is firm, but inspiring. What words would you use to describe your bosses management style?

So, even though it may not feel like it to you, your boss and you are interdependent with each other. The more one of you succeeds the more the other will too.

Despite the fact that your share a dependence with your boss; s/he is your boss and by definition sets the terms of the work environment. In other words, your boss is not likely to change. In fact if there is a problem between the two of you the boss is more likely to see it as being because of you not him or her.

This is not a battle you are going to win by doing things the way you have been doing, you are going to have to be the one that makes the changes. So, instead of trying to change your boss, learn what his or needs are and try to meet them.

Understand Your Bosses Needs

What do I mean by this?

1.Try to figure out what your boss wants from an employee. How much communication and feedback on your work does s/he need. Every day? Every week? What type of communication works best – in person, e-mail, formal meetings, informal chats on the fly? The more you can anticipate and respond to your bosses style the more open s/he will be to you.

2.Be reliable. Reach goals or complete jobs when you say (or are told) you will do it. If there is a problem with the job you are working on let him or her know right away and ask for advice. Many people avoid telling the boss bad news but this is like burying your head in the sand. Eventually your boss will find out and is more likely to be upset than if you had gone to him/her first and asked for advice.

3. The smoothest road at work is to shift your priority from making yourself happy to making your boss happy. What does your boss worry about? What are his/her priorities. What can you do to help? Put importance in your work to match his/her priorities. Believe it or not, the happier your boss is the happier you will be.

4.What does your boss do well? There are good and bad things about every boss. Unfortunately, for most of us its easier to focus on the bad. Think about the impact this has on your attitude towards your boss. Find the good things and at minimum make sure they get equal time as the bad. Sometimes it helps to sit down and make a list.

5.Let your boss teach you. Many people feel that they know more about their job and want needs to be done than their boss does. And, in some cases this is true. But your boss became a boss for a reason and so probably has something you can learn from. So, ask questions to learn and listen more than you speak (you’ll never make someone feel good about you quicker than by asking questions about their careers) to create a successful association with your boss.

6.Ask for feedback. Make your boss feel like a boss. Give him or her a chance to give you some praise of to bolster his or her ego by making suggestions on how you can do better. Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn – make sure s/he knows what you’ve done.

About the Author

Go here to learn more about anger management techniques.

Dr. Joe James is a psychologist who is the developer of many online courses including a court ordered anger management class.

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Panic Away, an ebook that promises to treat panic attacks, is authored by Joe Barry, who is a renowned expert in treating anxiety. He has already helped thousands deal and be free from panic attacks. Until now, he is still regarded as the leading expert. The problem with other panic treatment products is that they offer old techniques which are not that effective. This Panic Away review tells you all about the book and why it is sought-after by many people.

Despite many techniques for recurring panic attacks, many people have failed to control fear and anxiety and other physical and psychological that affects their mind and body. The great thing about panic away is that it is more than just a collection of coping strategies. This 102-page ebook has solid information presented in an organized and structured manner without any gimmicks.

The first chapter deals with the misconceptions regarding panic attacks. The definition and symptoms of panic attack is also illustrated. There is a detailed discussion about the causes of panic attacks, and this chapter aims to help people understand why their physical being reacts in a certain way during those dreaded panic attacks.

Once you have understood the response of the mind and body to a panic attack, you can already get rid of fear and anxiety, as well as the cyclic fear of its recurrence. The myths of panic attacks are further elaborated in the second chapter, which could benefit people who are suffering terribly because of these wrong beliefs and misconceptions.

The third chapter discusses the popular technique called One Move which gets rid of panic attack and its effects. This ground breaking technique is not just for alleviating symptoms but it also touches the core problem that causes panic attacks and anxiety. The One Move technique is the highlight of the ebook, which is a proven, effective solution for panic attacks. The amazing thing about this strategy is the fact that people are ready to experience another panic attack instead of being fearful or running away from it. The next chapter also discusses how to apply it to a real life situation. People may experience panic attacks during driving, a flight, or a meeting. Since this One Move technique is very versatile, it is very effective in a variety of situations.

People with panic attacks will greatly benefit from Panic Away. Go get it and be free from anxiety and panic attacks.

About the Author

Reading Panic Away review is a good way to gain knowledge about Joe Barry’s great program for treating panic attacks, the Panic Away. With these reviews, you will know how this program can help you so that you can be freed from the dreadful panic attacks.

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Who Am I? (Psicologia Online)

The word individual appears in the Middle Ages. The philosophers of this age start to see the objects as individuals beings of their gender. An individual was a being similar to other beings. 

As an example we can imagine a cat, a domesticated animal and pet. Despite the fact that the cat named Mr Mouse – who belongs to my friend Rafael Senra – is a cat like the others, he is also a unique cat, so he is an individual: Mr Mouse.

Similarly, although all partake of humanity, we are unique, we have our individuality that is unparalleled and unlike all the other 6 billion human beings on earth. 

The concept of individuation was created by the swiss psychologist CG Jung. The path we follow, psychologically, both in therapy and in life in general, is called individuation. 

If we follow the path that is drawn by a long series of dreams – from example, dreams that occurs in a enteire year – we realize that these dreams design a path: the individuation of the subject that had those dreams. A sinuous, spiral, back and forth like Jacob’s ladder in the Bible, or the Serpent Celeste, in Eastern traditions. Interestingly, these two pathways are very similar to the earth’s revolution around the sun, this is not stationary in space as we usually imagine. 

The individuation process begs the question: Who am I? In analytical psychology, the self or ego is only one part of a larger whole: the Self or the Selbst (in german). 

My Self? Yes- finding our Selves is the ultimate goal of psychological therapy.What, however, not prevent us from seeking therapy to resolve a small problem, which can be solved in a few sessions.

To learn more: The Man and His Symbols. Chap 3: The process of individuation.Author: Marie Louise Von Franz. Organizer: C.G.Jung.Editora Vozes.

Psychologist and writer of the site Psicologia Online
(Online Psychology)
felipedesouza.psicologo @ yahoo.com.br 

About the Author

Sou formado em Psicologia pela Universidade Federal de São João del-Rei. Atualmente sou discente convidado do Doutorado em Psicologia – USP, Universidade de São Paulo, eleita a melhor Universidade do Brasil. Atendo mulheres com dificuldades de relacionamento ou problemas emocionais como depressão, ansiedade, fobias.

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Did you ever get confused about that sudden feeling you had while strolling inside the mall? That feeling you got when you felt your heart pounding heavily and erratically after getting surrounded by a crowd of people? Or maybe you have had cases wherein you almost fainted after having an abrupt sense of fear while doing the groceries? How about while doing other things, in a different environment? If you answered yes then you probably survived cases of panic attacks in the past.

Panic attacks are unforeseen bouts of terror or fear, mostly occurring without having any obvious causes that could have triggered them. These attacks are not remote though. They can happen to anyone as these attacks are effects of misinterpretation of ordinary situations as distressing and dreadful events. Panic attacks happen after chemicals in the brain backfire. Enough said.

Now for most people who already survived their first case of these anxiety attacks, they may have developed a fear of having more of these attacks and as a result cause themselves even more stress. In order to survive recurring cases of panic attacks and avoiding them, here are some foolproof tips that would make your worries go away:

Keep a well-balanced diet. It may be surprising to hear this but yes, food contributes to your body’s condition in ways you can only imagine. Anxiety and panic attacks are chemically triggered and thus, any imbalance in your bodily chemicals can and may eventually result to having these types of attacks. Avoid the excessive and stick to a tried and tested diet that follows the suggested recommended daily allowance of an average person. Reducing your intake of unnecessary oil by avoiding fast food, consuming wheat products such as cereals or oats, and eating more fish and poultry instead of red meat is a good start.

Push yourself to follow an exercise routine. Let’s face the facts, doing exercise is more beneficial than it is detrimental. Sometimes panic attacks are caused by stress and/or excessive levels of adrenaline. Instead of just storing all those adrenaline in your body, it is exponentially better to make use of it by doing something productive such as exercising. Following a specific exercise routine will not only reduce the risk of having recurring anxiety attacks but also help you to stay in shape.

Look for a person you can trust. Sometimes it can really help to open up to someone whom you know you can confide in. With all the pressure we get from day to day life there comes a time when things start to get way out of hand and having a listening ear can help ease your burden. Keeping things bottled inside will not help in avoiding having panic attacks. Besides, things left corked in will find their way out sooner or later.

About the Author

Paige is a graphic designer who enjoys fitness and the outdoors. She uses a roll laminator daily in her work. Her website helps you to find a good laminating service for your home or business.